driftpeasant

For fennelwink

Tue, 01 Sep 2009 15:05:04 GMT

How does 7:35 PM at the Gateway (183/360) on Wednesday strike you for Time Traveler's Wife?

Trip Blog!

Mon, 22 Dec 2008 01:13:01 GMT

In which your intrepid narrator, stuck at an airport in Ottawa, recounts the events of his Epic Trip to the Mother Colony to slap a man with a Fisyshe.

Monday:

Stayed up all night to avoid dealing with jet lag, then drove to Houston to catch my flight. That seemed to work out, and I arrived with time to spare. I boarded an Air Canada plane to Toronto, then caught a connection to London. Took some sleeping pills the minute I hit the plane, and slept almost straight through.

I arrived in London a little early, and ended up getting out of customs a little too fast, as the Sweemo guys wanted to film me walking off the plane. Ah well. As we were walking to the cab, we did a looooong interview with a Canadian overnight AM talk show host. I spoke to him for about 3 minutes, and he didn't sound entirely Art Bellish, so hopeflly it came out okay. We took a cab from Heathrow to my hotel and saw the sites of a Monday morning in London. That was really cool, though having learned the city a little through the touristy bits, that must have been a dang expensive cab ride.

I checked in at the hotel, dropped off my gear, and proceeded out into the world. . First I hit Boleyn Ground and West Ham for fennelwink

...and that's my plane boarding. More later. Check the FLICKR feed if you haven't already.

Fish Slap Video

Fri, 19 Dec 2008 00:46:12 GMT

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kxQbullCk5M - independent video of the slap

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0vKHcR6KuuM - rough cut of the official slap

Dispatches From London

Mon, 15 Dec 2008 09:05:02 GMT

Okay, a few things first:

If you hadn't heard, I'm flying to London later today to hit a man in the head with a fish. ...yes, really. www.sweemo.com for more info on my fish slapping antics.

Pics will be uploaded nightly (as best I can manage it) to http://flickr.com/photos/29672845@N05/

My pics are kinda large given my camera, so I may post them to an alternate site if flickr gives me problems with the total size I can upload.

If so I'll post that link here.

Should you need anything desperately from London, please post here and I'll take a look when I have a chance. Please note that if your request costs anything significant, you and I will be discussing how to deposit money into my bank account.

And lastly, I use Sprint, so I'm out of contact via phone in the UK. If you need to reach me in an emergency, get a hold of Hearn, since I'm checking in with him daily for work.

Merry Christmas!

Thu, 11 Dec 2008 23:12:14 GMT

I'M GOING TO EWOOD!!!

For fennelwink

Tue, 09 Dec 2008 18:04:29 GMT

Double Bonus Obscure College Score: Wisconsin-Whitewater 34, Wartburg 17 (Division III playoffs). Located in Waverly, Iowa, Wartburg offers a course about the TV series "Buffy the Vampire Slayer." The course description reports, "Buffy the Vampire Slayer has become a focus of cultural and feminist studies ... showings of the series are a course requirement." (Go here, then look under the Department of Inquiry Studies for course 101 04.)

Wed, 20 Feb 2008 08:02:07 GMT

The Most Football Crazy Nation In The World

So we here in the States often find the football mania that consumes the rest of the world rather perplexing. MLS is on the upswing, but still we Americans haven't quite grasped the passion that football brings out in our brethren worldwide. Even for our domestic sports (outside, perhaps, of Boston, that well known drinking town with a baseball problem) Americans do not approach anywhere near the level of enthusiasm that, say, fans of West Allotment Celtic must muster up to stand in the cold, wet British winter to watch their lads play.

The question does arise though... Who ARE the most football crazy fans in the world?

To my mind there are four leading candidates: England, Italy, San Marino, and Sark.

England has a strong case. They're the originator of the sport, and have the deepest league system in the world, with 24 levels to the football pyramid, consisting of over 140 distinct leagues. While exact numbers are not easily available, Wikipedia estimates that there are 7000 teams playing league football in England. The FA Cup is the most prestigous national trophy in all of football. The rivalries run deep (I have recently been chastised by my Chelsea friends for showing an ex-Tottenham player's wife where to find replica kit for him). The Premier League is, without a doubt, the world's toughest league, and is also the most popular. The Big 4 are among the world's most recognizable sporting brands. No Briton is without a team, and even those who hate the sport still follow it closely (I have a coworker who believes Rugby is the only suitable sport to support, and even he follows England's results, if only to laugh gleefully when they lose).

Italy has the most... ummmm... passionate fans of football as a whole. The department of statistics I pulled out of my rear tells us that 37% of all roadflares sold in Italy eventually end up on a soccer pitch (56% on the San Siro). Italy has somehow opened a time warp to 80s England and pulled all of the worst elements of their fandom through, while leaving all the good bits (like the pies - mmmmmmm pies) behind. They do have the righteous indignation against UEFA interference down, too. The mere words "Lazio supporter" strike fear into all who hear them. They are the current holders of the World Cup, and all the members of that squad play domestically. Should one doubt the miracles that can happen in Italy, he need only read "The Miracle of Castel di Sangro" by Joe McGinniss. The level of crazy that operates the teams is also beyond compare. With the possible exception of Vladimir Romanov, no one can come close to the Italian madness. Juventus is partially owned by a company which is a front for Muammar al-Gaddafi. In fact, Gaddafi's son actually has played for Udinese and Perugia, albeit once for each, and dogged by drug charges. Cagliari is owned by a man who apparently hates the club. Plus the whole nation looks like a giant foot kicking a ball. Yes, there is no doubt that football in Italy is damn crazy.

San Marino is an interesting case. With a population of only 30000 it still manages to support a 2 division, 15 team professional football system, 2 separate knockout cups, a national team AND a team in another nation's league system. ...and yes, Virginia, there is a Brazilian playing in the domestic league (Aldair, in fact, for you Roma fans out there). In fact, when you do the math, 1.2% of the entire population plays professional football. The Campionato Sammarinese sends a team to the preliminary rounds of the Champions League, and is entered into the European Championship (though their population does give them a handicap of McClarenian proportions). They are the only nation to have both a domestic league AND field a team in another country's league system (San Marino Calcio in Serie C1).

Sark is the smallest nation in Europe (and,as of this writing, the last feudal nation in the world), with a population of 610 and an area of 2 square miles. For comparison's sake, please note that the percentage of Sark required to house a football pitch, if applied to the United States, would encompass an area over twice the size of Rhode Island. While there is no domestic league, Sark HAS fielded an international squad. ...while they have been outscored 70-0 in the course of their international career, at 16 players for a match, Sark can claim that a whopping 2.8% of the population has played international football. Just think - had Benitez managed them, the entire population might have seen playing time.

So who takes it? Whose passion reigns supreme?!!?!

I have to give it to San Marino. With 30000 people and 16 teams, 2 knockout cups, and over a freaking percent of the population playing professional football, there is no comparison. While Sark's numbers can't be denied, they haven't played internationally since 2003. San Marino has games year in and out, and the dual league status can't be beat. Plus they are techically a part of the giant boot kicking ball phenomenon that is their peninsula. Most important to me, though, is that Lorenzo Amoruso, former Blackburn Rover, is playing for Cosmos. Any league that rescues the second worst signing in Blackburn history (the first being, of course, Graeme Souness) has a place in my heart.

The Worst Team In The World

Wed, 20 Feb 2008 06:32:02 GMT

The Worst Team In The World

There is nothing a sports fan likes more than a good debate. Would George Best have been better than Maradona if drink hadn't laid him low? Was Maradona better than Pele? Is Ferguson or Wenger the better manager?

Generally in these drunken pub discussion the question of the best team in the world comes up. FIFA would have you believe it's AC Milan, having won the World Club Cup (and are the current Champions League champions as well). Fans of Juventus can rightly claim that they have the most members of the reigning World Cup winners on the squad. Manchester United would tell you they won the most competitive league in the world in the Prem. The LA Galaxy have David Beckham. ... Well, THEY think that's a claim to fame, anyway.

So this debate will rage eternally on, and many pints will die in its wake.

But there is one great question that we can now, definitively, put to rest:

Who the worst national team in the world is.
FIFA would have you believe it's the tiny island nation of Montserrat. With a population of 5900, and boasting such star players as Tesfaye Bramble (Titus' younger, less talented brother - and yes, apparently it is possible to be a Bramble worse than Titus - whodathunkit?) and Sean Howson, EXTREMELY occasional striker (2 games started in the last 4 years) for Hurstpierpoint FC (currently sitting dead last in the Sussex County Football League Division 3), you could be forgiven for thinking that Montserrat, do, in fact, suck hardest.

...but oh no, you'd be wrong.

Then you might remember the NF Board, the FIFA for non-FIFA nations (and sometimes even non-FIFA non-nations), and go to that august body for their worst team. That would be the Isle of Yap, part of the Federated States of Micronesia, and favorite (along with Niger and Lake Titicaca) of juvenile geography students the world over. Yap hasn't won a game since 2001 and neither, in this post 9/11 world with so much of its budget diverted to counterterrorism, are they likely to anytime soon.

Still though, even they have a whipping boy.

The neighboring island of Pohnpei, with FIVE TIMES the population of Yap, still manages to be the WORST team in the world. They've managed just one draw in international play, having lost every other game. They've gotten spanked by such luminaries as Guam (who most recently lost 5-2 to Mongolia), the Northern Marianas Islands (who most recently lost 9-0 to Guam), and Chuuk (who have never won a game against anyone OTHER than Pohnpei). Explanations for this bizarre performance range from conventional (there's no real free real estate for a pitch) to weird (Pohnpei is 10 days passage by fast boat from R'lyeh, resting place of dread Cthulhu, who, the novels tell us, hates football after he lost a fiver on a Great Old Ones/Outer Gods match sometime in 7 billion BC).

Still, there is a ray of hope for Pohnpei - their FA informs us that they've tendered an offer to Steve McClaren.

When Soccer and Naruto Collide...

Tue, 19 Feb 2008 03:29:02 GMT

http://www.whoateallthepies.tv/2008/02/shit_lookalikes_94.html

I've Been Robbed!!! (for Fennelwink)

Sun, 07 Oct 2007 09:27:10 GMT

What the hell man?

And where's the Other Guy?

For Locke

Thu, 06 Sep 2007 20:50:00 GMT

http://www.uglyhill.com/d/20060622.html

Sat, 07 Jul 2007 06:45:21 GMT

So I was walking out of Transformers tonight and I saw a kid in Barcelona kit. I, of course, was wearing Blackburn kit.

So I walked over to him and said "son, you need to support an English team!"

"Why?"

"It's the best league in the world!"

"Who are you a fan of?"

"Blackburn Rovers, the greatest team in the Prem!"

"Who are they?"

"The best team in the Prem, son. Once there was a boy like you, who grew up in a town with a team. And he loved that team more than anything else, but they weren't very good. So when he grew up and became rich he decided to buy them. And he sold almost everything he had, and bought the team, and spent a lot of money on them, to make them as good as he wished they were when he was a boy. And for one glorious year, they were and won the league. And then he ran out of money. And then he passed away. But he left the team everything he had, and to this day all of the money from his businesses go to the team.

Liverpool fans may never walk alone, and Manchester United may have the Theater of Dreams. West Ham may have the Academy of Football, and Newcastle the Toon Army. But Blackburn has love. The greatest love in all of sport. And THAT'S why we're the greatest, son."

...and then his mother laughed, and they turned and walked to their car. But for one moment, he saw. And that's enough for me.

Phone Died

Wed, 20 Jun 2007 04:42:57 GMT

So I dropped my phone in a toilet today, and thus I am without a phone. I have a replacement that will activate tomorrow, but until the new one arrives, I'm SOL. Email is the best way to get in touch with me.

Fri, 09 Mar 2007 03:44:45 GMT

Possibly the most useless meme ever, but.

$5 says the answer here is "0"

Crush this person!
Get your own ThisCrush.com CrushTag!

Wed, 28 Feb 2007 21:56:26 GMT

YESSS!!!!! BLACKBURN WON!!!

*ahem*

(to the refrain of Simple Gifts)

Screw you, you Arsenal wussies!
We're Uncle Jack's Blue and White Army!
And we kicked your ass, can't ye feckin' see!
And we'll hoist the Cup at Wem-be-ley!

Wed, 28 Feb 2007 14:12:57 GMT

This may well be the world's perfect alarm clock.

Sun, 25 Feb 2007 07:10:47 GMT

WHALE!

For snaketao

Fri, 23 Feb 2007 00:53:39 GMT

I DID find a green team for you, mate.

Tokyo Verdy 1969

Formed by the company that owns the Yomiuri Giants, Verdy were really good, and then got really bad. Still, they are the only club team I could find with green kit. Well, okay, MAJOR team with green kit. There is, apparently, a Chinese C-league team named Greentown, but the only reason I even know they exist is that Verdy played an "all-green" friendly with them over the off season.

So there you go. You can buy their kit here but it IS expensive. J-League kit is historically high.

Meme - yee hah

Mon, 19 Feb 2007 11:46:44 GMT

1. Ever punch someone in the face?
2. How old are you?
3. Are you single or taken?
4. Do you eat with your hands or utensils?
5. Do you dream at night?
6. Ever seen a corpse?
7. Have you ever wished someone dead?
8. Do you like Bush, the president?

HERE COMES THE FUN ...
9. What's your philosophy on life? And on death?
10. If you could do anything with me, and have no one know about it, what would it be?
11. Do you trust the police? (the cops, not the band)
12. Do you like country music?
13. What is your fondest memory of me?
14. If you could change anything about yourself, would you?
15. Would you date me?
16. What do you wear to sleep?
17. Have you ever peed in a pool? While you were still in it?
18. Would you hide evidence for me if I asked you to?
19. If I only had one day to live, what would we do together?
20. What is your favourite thing about me?
21. Do you think I'm attractive?
22. What's your favourite color?
23. If you could bring back anyone that has passed, who would it be?
24. Tell me one interesting/odd fact about you.
25. Will you post this so I can fill it out for you?

Mon, 19 Feb 2007 03:27:55 GMT

Two things I've learned here in Atlanta.

1) The convenience stores sell porn on DVD.

2) Microsoft thinks this scenario can occur: You can drop a laptop running WinXPPro on the ground. The HDD can still function without error, but apparently not be able to load Windows without doing an Automated System Recovery. No one in class is precisely sure how that would work...

Curse you Arsenal!!!

Wed, 14 Feb 2007 22:45:15 GMT

Why couldn't you lose to Bolton.

Crap. Now we have to go to Emirates.

Sun, 04 Feb 2007 03:36:24 GMT

I have concluded I'm not actually anti-liberal or anti-Austin.

I was listening to the local alternative medicine call in show this evening as I was driving home, and the topic of the HPV vaccine came up. For those of you who aren't local to Texas, the governor signed an Executive Order mandating that 12-13 year old girls in the state would be vaccinated with the HPV vaccine on the state's dime.

People are up in arms because it "encourages promiscuity" in teens, or is a waste of state funds.

It doesn't encourage promiscuity in teens. If the vaccine, say, worked for 4 years and after that ceased and could never be administered again, I'd totally but the "encourages promiscuity in teens" argument. BUT IT DOESN'T. It prevents HPV for LIFE.

Also, statistically, some teens will have sex. That number may be falling, but as long as teens are teens, they will have sex. So you're preventing an STD that causes cancer. Nasty, nasty cancer. Cancer that, among other things, deprives its female victims of the chance to ever have children. This isn't "you feel nasty and it costs money to treat." This is depriving the victim of one of the fundamental joys of being a human. No matter who you are, contracting HPV alone should not deprive you of that.

"So why administer it at 13?"

I dunno - because that's when puberty starts? I would imagine the vaccine isn't useful and/or efficaceous before that point. Also, it's a vaccine that the state wants to mandate. It's far easier to do that when the state has the carrot and stick of school attendance to wave over the recipient's head. The state also has the benefit of economy of scale. Purchasing 250k doses of a vaccine is vastly more effective for both you and your dollar. Purchasing a dose of the vaccine for your child will cost you much more individually than just forking over your tax dollars (to this, anyway). Also, generally all 12-13 year old girls tend to be congregated in the same place at the same time - school. It's much easier than tracking down, say, all the 23 year old women in the state and vaccinating them. Again, this isn't a patch - it's a lifetime solution.

"So why should the state pay?"

Well, I dunno, because the state will likely incur costs treating the cancer later? Because it deprives the state of future workers who pay taxes? Because it's the state trying to do something tangible for its citizens? WHAT OTHER BENEFIT DO YOU NEED THAN "PREVENTING FREAKING CANCER?"

"I oppose vaccines - my cousin got autism from one. It should be up to the parents."

Really. So you're going to tell me that the death toll of letting whooping cough and polio run wild trump the fact that a rare side effect occasionally occurs? And remember - the vaccine isn't just to keep your child alive. It's to prevent your child from spreading the disease to others. Like me. Maybe I have a weakened immune system, or maybe I'm from a country where that disease wasn't on the innoculation schedule. Either way, your refusal to immunize your child has just exposed me to a potentially fatal condition. You don't get to do that. Your kid doesn't get to walk around being a health hazard. You want to inject it with leprosy and put it in a bubble and let it walk till its legs fall off? Fine. As long as that bubble's intact, I'm not at risk. But to fail to immunize your child against easily communicable diseases? That's criminal. And are you honestly going to tell me your kid is against not getting sick?

Wed, 24 Jan 2007 18:14:01 GMT

MY NEW LAPTOP IS HERE!!!

Tue, 23 Jan 2007 20:03:47 GMT

http://livefooty.doctor-serv.com/index.html

Because this seems to be a trend...

Wed, 10 Jan 2007 00:41:36 GMT

New Years Resolutions:

Save 1/3 of after tax income
Don't make any stupid purchases with said funds
Enter 2008 debt free and hopefully with some investment, though debt free first